5 Dating Mistakes to Avoid // Frolic Podcast of the Week: Date/Able

[Note from Frolic: We are so excited to bring you this new series: Frolic Podcast of the Week! Each week, we’ll ask one of our great podcasters to share a bit about themselves. Up next, we have Yue and Julie from Date/Able Podcast! They’re sharing five dating mistakes to avoid. Take it away!]

We can all agree that right now is a strange time to be dating. But rather than putting our dating lives on-hold, here are the Top 5 dating mistakes to avoid brought to you by Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu of Dateable, one of the top podcasts about dating, love, and sex.

1. Jumping to meet every last person. Keep in mind that every time you come in contact with someone new, you are putting everyone at risk since Coronavirus is still very much a thing. It’s OK to be even pickier about who you meet right now! With so many first dates that didn’t go well before coronavirus, why risk your health to meet anyone and everyone. Stick to video dates for at least the first one (but we’d recommend even the first couple) to make sure this person is someone you really want to meet and also they are being cautious with their own health.

2. Not establishing your rules ahead of time: People have varying levels of comfort with COVID but that doesn’t mean you need to give up your stance. It is very important that you establish your post-quarantine rules before you go on a date. Let your date know that you want to meet in an open area, either stay six feet apart or wear masks if you sit closer. And most importantly, stick to your rules….don’t let a few sips of alcohol soften your guard. Before you go on the date, you should also make it clear to yourself whether kissing is OK for you or not. A general rule of thumb is to at least have had 3-4 in-person dates before kissing is on the table.

3. Moving too fast, too soon: Video dates are great but there may be a  feeling like a connection is more developed than it actually is. For example, if you’ve had 3 great video calls and finally meet in person, one person may feel like this is date #1 where the other may go in thinning this is date #4. This becomes problematic when there’s a mismatch of expectations when you finally meet, especially if one party thinks sex is on the table sooner than you’re ready! We’ve also heard stories about people becoming so invested via video dates that they start to believe they’ve found ‘The One’ only to not have the feelings translate when they finally meet. Of course, these whirlwind turbo relationships can take off but it’s good to not get ahead of yourself. It’s best to keep your expectations in check and see how things play out. 

4. Removing the balance in your life: It may be tempting to do 6-hour phone/video calls or meet for an all-day first date hike. Especially if you’ve been laid off, furloughed or your work is on hold, you may have a lot of time on your hands to devote to dating. Before COVID, it was always recommended to balance your life when a new person came into the picture. That way you could get to know each other more slowly over time instead of a situation that may flame out fast. And if things don’t work out, it’ll hit much harder if you don’t have other things going on in your life. Try to stay connected to friends and your hobbies (even if that’s virtual). This extra time can be a good thing though if you’re the type of person who wasn’t making enough time for dating and if the connection is starting to really blossom. So take inventory of your own situation but be wary of devoting your whole life to someone you just met (especially if they aren’t on the same page.)

5. Don’t throw basic dating safety and good sense out the window: When first dates may take place in parks or hikes since bars and restaurants still may not be open, day dates are becoming more of a thing. When the sun goes down and it starts to get cold, this could lead to going to their place quicker due to limited options to keep the date going. Being in someone’s place sets the expectation of sex and may cause you to be more intimate sooner than you normally would. Also meeting someone at their home / not in a public place to start or even outside when it’s dark are other safety things you’d never do pre-COVID-19, so don’t put yourself in other danger now.