Bang of Thrones: In Which I Ship Arya With Everyone and Everything

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Well.

Well!

JESUS.

Okay.

Hooboy.

SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE THREE

“Hey Sarah, how are you supposed to write your relationship-based Game of Thrones recap about last night’s romance-lacking episode?” well…

  • The Dothraki and dying on an open field.
  • Whoever does the lighting for Game of Thrones and taking a day off for this episode.
  • Ghost and being poorly CGI’d into every episode so far for about two seconds just so they can remind us that they know we’re wondering where Ghost is.
  • Dany and ????? what the fuck was Dany DOING this episode?
  • Jon and flying around aimlessly in all the places he’s least needed.
  • Bran and being a flock of ravens for the entire episode.
  • Melisandre and slow walking.
  • Brienne and yelling.
  • Drogon and the dead.
  • Me and my boyfriend yelling “IS [insert character here] THE PRINCE WHO WAS PROMISED?” every ten seconds during the last thirty minutes of the episode.
  • Sam and scaring the shit out of me with his near-death experiences.
  • The wights and scaring the shit out of me with their two modes: Silently Watching and Tidal Wave.
  • The crypts and not, in fact, being the safest place to be.
  • Lyanna Mormont and breaking my heart with her heroism.
  • Jorah and dying in the friend zone 🙁
  • Theon and his amazing redemption arc.
  • The love triangle between Bran/The Night King/Staring Ominously.
  • Cersei and the North’s utter lack of an army after this episode.
  • Jon and screaming at an undead dragon while failing to do literally any of his jobs.
  • Dany and learning how to use a sword.
  • Me and comparing this whole battle to the final battle in Endgame.
  • Me and wondering how they’re going to make these last three episodes feel anything other than anti-climactic.
  • Arya and kicking ass with the weapon Gendry made for her.
  • Arya and doing sick rolls over the dead.
  • Arya and out-sneaking the dead.
  • Arya and JESUS CHRIST HOW DID SHE GET THAT MUCH AIR ANYWAY, DID SHE LEAP OFF A TOWER,
  • Arya and being the GODDAMN RIGHTFUL QUEEN OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS.
  • Okay also the moments between Sansa and Tyrion were real sweet.
Header image: HBO
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