SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES SEASON EIGHT, EPISODE THREE
“Hey Sarah, how are you supposed to write your relationship-based Game of Thrones recap about last night’s romance-lacking episode?” well…
- The Dothraki and dying on an open field.
- Whoever does the lighting for Game of Thrones and taking a day off for this episode.
- Ghost and being poorly CGI’d into every episode so far for about two seconds just so they can remind us that they know we’re wondering where Ghost is.
- Dany and ????? what the fuck was Dany DOING this episode?
- Jon and flying around aimlessly in all the places he’s least needed.
- Bran and being a flock of ravens for the entire episode.
- Melisandre and slow walking.
- Brienne and yelling.
- Drogon and the dead.
- Me and my boyfriend yelling “IS [insert character here] THE PRINCE WHO WAS PROMISED?” every ten seconds during the last thirty minutes of the episode.
- Sam and scaring the shit out of me with his near-death experiences.
- The wights and scaring the shit out of me with their two modes: Silently Watching and Tidal Wave.
- The crypts and not, in fact, being the safest place to be.
- Lyanna Mormont and breaking my heart with her heroism.
- Jorah and dying in the friend zone 🙁
- Theon and his amazing redemption arc.
- The love triangle between Bran/The Night King/Staring Ominously.
- Cersei and the North’s utter lack of an army after this episode.
- Jon and screaming at an undead dragon while failing to do literally any of his jobs.
- Dany and learning how to use a sword.
- Me and comparing this whole battle to the final battle in Endgame.
- Me and wondering how they’re going to make these last three episodes feel anything other than anti-climactic.
- Arya and kicking ass with the weapon Gendry made for her.
- Arya and doing sick rolls over the dead.
- Arya and out-sneaking the dead.
- Arya and JESUS CHRIST HOW DID SHE GET THAT MUCH AIR ANYWAY, DID SHE LEAP OFF A TOWER,
- Arya and being the GODDAMN RIGHTFUL QUEEN OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS.
- Okay also the moments between Sansa and Tyrion were real sweet.