I was never really a fan of the typical fairy tale movies and stories when I was a little girl. No, I didn’t hate love and romance, or anything crazy like that. I love a good romantic story as well as the next person. I like feeling all warm and gooey inside when the girl gets the guy, and they live happily ever after. Fairy tales have definitely grown in popularity recently with the marriage between Meghan Markel and Prince Harry. Sure, she’s a Hollywood actress, but she’s still kind of just your average girl next door who is now a Duchess, which is just crazy!
I think my aversion to most fairy tales might stem from the fact that I don’t really consider myself a typical woman. The idea of putting on a gown and jewels and going to a fancy ball just to get a guy sort of makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. I watch those movies and all I can think to myself is, “Just imagine how much napping she could have done instead of getting all gussied up to leave the house.” I’d rather sit on my couch in my leggings and a hoodie and watch Netflix. The perfect cat eye with my make-up? I tried that once. I looked like I was punched in the face by a gang of rabid cats. Whenever I need to write a scene and describe what my heroine is wearing, I have to Google designers because I have no clue what’s cool or “in” right now. I still can’t spell Louboutin without looking it up every time. Why is that word so hard to spell? Are Louboutin shoes still popular? I have no idea! Honestly, I don’t even know how I have a husband. Thank God we met on the school bus when we were 12. If I had to go out and try to find a husband now, I’d probably be alone forever. Put on pants, go out in public, and actually talk to other people? I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.
I have to say, my biggest pet peeve with most fairy tales is that the women sit around, waiting for a handsome prince to come and save them. I get it, I really do. Fairy tales aren’t supposed to be realistic. They’re supposed to take you away from your life and make you believe that something you only dreamed about really could come true. That you could go from living in squalor, to living in a castle, married to a handsome prince with oodles of money. I guess I just never really dreamed about being stuck in a situation and thinking to myself, “Man, I really wish a guy would figure things out for me and fix all my problems.” I consider myself a strong, independent woman. If something goes wrong, I’m pretty sure I can handle fixing it all by myself, and not wait around for someone to fix it for me. Well, unless it has to do with finding a spider anywhere in my house. My husband’s wedding vows specifically said, “I promise to love you in sickness and in health, and I know I’m required to kill any and all spiders that come within a fifty-foot radius of you.” But, you know, if I didn’t have him, I’d be fine. It’s not like it’s that hard to burn your entire house down if you see a spider.
And can we just talk about how these princes don’t even bat an eye at their future princess until she’s wearing that fancy ball gown and jewels, with her hair expertly styled, and yep, you guessed it, the perfect cat eye make-up? She walks into the room looking like she just stepped off the runway and he’s all, “Who is that exquisite creature and how soon can I marry her?!”. Um, that’s the chick you walked right by at the market in town earlier who was wearing an old, stained dress, and her hair was all askew because she spends her life slaving after her evil stepmother and wicked stepsisters, while you sit up in daddy’s castle, spending his money. What’s that saying? If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. I hate to break it to you, Prince Charming, but the love of your life isn’t always going to look that fabulous. I guarantee you she’s going to have one too many glasses of champagne at the ball, and forget to wash off her make-up before she face-plants into bed at the end of the night. She’s going to wake up the next morning looking like she just went 10 rounds with those rabid cats who do my make-up, and I have to wonder if you’re still going to think she’s exquisite, or if you’re going to try and chew off your own arm just to get it out from under her and sneak out of her bedroom.
Due to my annoyance with most of these things, I decided to write my own version of a few well-known fairy tales, called The Naughty Princess Club series where, *gasp* the women actually figure out how to save themselves. Sure, there are still “handsome princes” in the picture, but they’re unicorn princes typically only found in fiction. They support their women fully, they let them do their own thing without any judgment, they don’t constantly remind them that their poor choices were what got them into their sticky situations, and they love them for who they are, without trying to change them.
Just for fun, I asked my reader group a few weeks ago what they love most about fairy tales, and here are some of my favorite responses:
*The evil witches.
*How there’s no bills.
*The dragons. If only they would eat everyone.
*The forest animals who clean your house.
*How they never go to the bathroom.
*The hot bad guy.
*The skinny waist and perky boobs.
How do you feel about fairy tales? Do you love them or hate them? Are you still waiting to find your Prince Charming, or did you already find him?