Five Steps to a Conscious Relationship with Yourself

[Note from Frolic: We are so excited to welcome author Rhonda Smith to the site today! She’s talking all things falling in love with who you are.]

Are you constantly on the hunt for the right person? Using dating apps, or getting set up by friends, all in an attempt to find the perfect partner to share a life with. But not just any partner – one that totally just gets you, and makes you laugh, and wants to sleep in on a Sunday morning with you. But the process of finding them – it’s not working. It’s exhausting. It feels like a never ending cycle of bad dates and surface-level conversation – and worst of all, ghosting.

Here’s the thing: all the things we desire in a partnership, all of this that we are searching for – we need to first become for ourselves before we find a partner. A conscious relationship has the ability to offer the deepest of self-work, but it requires two people who are committed to their own expansion individually. You have to show up and figure yourself out.

We, especially women, have been taught from a young age to desire great love. I used to believe that this was all about finding someone who loved me in the same way I loved them. What I realized is that no one loves like I love, except for me. My entire life I was searching for the love that only I could give. This became a profound shift in my life. I realized that if I desired a great love outside of myself, I needed to travel inward first.

Here are five steps you can take today to begin a conscious relationship with yourself to find the great love you’ve always dreamed of – and a partner on the same level.

1. Prioritize your time.

The inner work to find what is in our truth and alignment requires us to sit with ourselves on purpose; not from a place of loneliness, but from a place of deep compassion. To do this, we have to make and prioritize this time for ourselves. It is crucial for you to take the time you need to venture into yourself and your shadows, and listen to the teachers of your soul. Pull out your planner, and lock in sacred space for yourself to spend time with your own soul, in the ways that make sense to you – meditate, go for a walk in a park, take yourself for dinner. Become comfortable being in a relationship with you.

2. Be with yourself.

To be present in a conscious relationship, it is essential to understand how to sit within our quiet and in the depths of our truth. We have to be able to be with it, and not run. It is always our first instinct to back away from the darkness that lives within us, but we can only find out who we really are by exploring our shadows. The next time you feel something you’d like to run from, sit down and experience it. Drop the judgment you might have of what you’re feeling, and show yourself the love you so deeply desire from someone else. I share my own journey on this path inward in my book The Whole Method.

3, Step into your power.

The journey into this place in ourselves is one of the most magnificent processes we can experience as women and as humans. To do this, we need to step into our power. Too often we hold ourselves back and sabotage our potential by going against what is most aligned and true for each of us. We keep ourselves in old patterns and outdated friendships because they are familiar; we allow ourselves to fall into a place of loneliness out of habit. We must identify these patterns and get real with ourselves. Only from a place of truth is real love born.

4. Find a conscious community.

Ancient tribes of women practiced healing together in circles. We need to create these spaces together, in our modern world, to build an environment for true healing. Seek out communal spaces to connect with other women and share in the path of consciousness you’re stepping into. The community I have built through The Expanded Hueman is a loving, open space, but you can find these communities in all sorts of places.

5. Become the love you desire.

True love doesn’t need anything. It is not a transaction! It demands nothing; rather, it radiates out and warms those who come in contact with it, much like the sun warms the earth. I believe true love is a state of being.

The love I wanted was inside of me the entire time, and I could experience it anytime I wanted with no conditions. You can do this too! The magic of a kiss or the smell of another person is one of the most beautiful experiences we have on earth; becoming this for ourselves first is the key to a conscious relationship and finding it with another. Be what you need, and then the rest is more magical and free.