It’s hard to focus on much of anything given the state of world right now, but I have some temporary reprieve for anyone who wants to obsess over something else other than Amazon’s fluctuating toilet paper inventory.
Don’t worry, when I recommend something, I never try to sound more high brow than I actually am— for example, it would be far fetched for me to suggest something like, “have you checked out the online collection of Post-Impressionist and modern French masterpieces from the New York Guggenheim collection this spring? No? Not even a quick glance? My word, it’s an absolute must see!”
No, I’m not that fancy. My “pop culture”-y obsessions are non-newsworthy things I’ve spent hours googling to distract myself from the latest world news and politics.
So here’s what I’m obsessed with now: fast food. More specifically, fast food swag. It’s funny, fashionable, and some of these items are downright ridiculous. You can spend a lot of time adding things to your cart, then deleting these items from your cart, then debating whether you should buy them immediately or risk delaying before they’re out of stock. A lot of times these restaurants do limited, one-time only production runs. Trust me, FOMO here is real, and the deep regret I still feel for not purchasing exclusive merchandise from KFC two years ago still haunts my dreams.
Here are my current top three fast food fashion favorites, if you’re interested:
Taco Bell has my #1 pick for having such a broad array of merchandise, including taco-themed swimwear and wedding gear. They’re also obsessed with their hot sauce (and rightfully so) and have a whole line of merch dedicated to that alone. My recommended buy— this understated gold necklace. It really pulls any outfit together.
McDonald’s almost had my top vote, but they keep selling out of everything I’m infatuated with and I’m never cool enough to buy the hot new releases when they first come out, like this amazing Quarter Pounder Scented Candle Pack or the “Quarter Pounder with Love” Locket. But these World Famous Fries Socks and enamel pin set are pretty cool, and they’re still available.
IHOP’s online store is www.shoppancakewear.com, which already signals to me that they take their merch opportunities seriously, but even more incredible than their URL is their vast selection of flapjack attire. Their accessories are obsession-worthy too— I really want this pancake trucker cap. For those of you who are working from home and need something to comfy to wear, I think this adult one-piece might fit the bill.
An honorable mention goes to Cheetos for their Forever 21 x Cheetos collection. Inventory is down to slim pickings now since the collab started a while ago, but you can still get these fashion-forward Flamin Hot Cheetos Joggers. They have everything you want in pants: a Cheetos logo, an elastic waistband and orange rhinestone flames. Another fine apparel choice for the work-from-home folks (insert fire emoji here).
One more honorable mention: the folks at Krispy Kreme are a class act and have a very nice online store where you can buy cute things like this doughnut tumbler. But as I mentioned before, I’m not a high brow, class-act kind of consumer. I like a little more kitsch, more flair, more “WTF/OMG I NEED THIS.”
Next month is my husband’s birthday and you know what? Those taco swim trunks are calling his name.
About the Author:
Suzanne Park is a Korean-American writer who was born and raised in Tennessee. In her former life as a comedian, she was a finalist in the Oxygen Network’s “Girls Behaving Badly” talent search, and was also selected to appear on BET’s “Coming to the Stage.” She currently resides in Los Angeles with her husband, female offspring, and a sneaky rat that creeps around on her back patio. In her spare time, she procrastinates. The Perfect Escape is her young adult debut. You can pre-order it here to receive some extra goodies!
The Perfect Escape by Suzanne Park, out April 7!
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