I’m not an alcoholic, I just drink a lot — an admission that sounds a heck of a lot better when sung like Big Pun’s “Still Not A Playa.”
Annnd now that my Spotify is adjusted accordingly, and you’ve got some awesome 90s rap stuck in your head (you’re welcome:), let’s get back to the alcohol at hand, shall we?
I’ve never been able to drink and read. Which is sad because those are two of my absolute favorite indulgences. A healthy pour of pinot and the latest Emma Chase sounds absolutely divine when the clock strikes eight and I don’t have to “Mom” for at least 11 hours.
In reality, I’m a bit of a light weight with very little self-control. One glass inevitably becomes two. The pages blur. The plot thickens. So does my brain… you get the point.
My solution? Why not drink my favorite books? And I’m not talking about the thick-headed, half a bottle down – “That sounds ah-mazing! Let’s throw it in the Vitamix with some vodka and ice” kinda way. I’m talking about something slightly more refined here.
Another indulgence of mine? Well-written wine flavor profiles. They’re like salted dark chocolate caramels for my brain. Even if you aren’t an oenophile, the descriptions can still read like edible poetry. Foreplay for your tongue. It can totally get you in the mood… for wine that is;).
Belle Glos Clark & Telephone Pinot Noir is, hands down, my favorite red of all time. It’s a special wine The Mister and I use to celebrate the biggies in life – engagement, marriage, book deals, kids, you know, milestone kind of stuff. Here is its flavor profile:
The color is a deep scarlet-red with lush aromas of blackberry bramble, nutmeg, and a hint of caramel. The wine is fresh and exuberant in the mouth with sumptuous strawberry jam, ripe black cherry, cranberry and warm gingerbread. It is perfectly balanced with refreshing acidity, velvety tannins and a hint of toffee carrying through its long finish. When asked to describe this wine, I simply say it’s like a taste of Christmas, all year long! -www.belleglos.com
See what I mean? Mouth. Gasm.
So, back to drinking books. Why not take the tastes of my favorite books and find a wine that pours all that literary goodness right into a glass? It’s a total two-fer.
I’ll give you an easy one, since it’s obvious I girl writer crush on Emma Chase. Her novel Royally Screwed features the alluring Olivia Hammond who, according to Prince Nicholas, smells like jasmine and bakes divine apple pies — something she smashes in his face when they first met. Her wine?
This lovely wine starts with floral fragrances of honeysuckle and jasmine, balanced by crisp sweet apple and white tea. The flavors are warm and rich, with ripe pineapple and soft spice on the palate. It offers light acidity, a rich mouthfeel and good body, as well as a smooth, well-rounded finish. – www.capncork.com
Now, you can sit back. Sip your Gewurztraminer and ponder the perfect plot points of Royally Screwed. Because, let’s be honest, pontificating is way more fun with a little alcohol loosening the ole synapses.
How did Olivia’s hair and skin always manage to smell like Jasmine? And what did she put in those pies of hers that would make a grown man coming off a three-day-bender taste sugary baked apples instead of the liquor swimming in his blood stream? 🤔
Next up, my new release, Let’s Talk About Sext.
Phebe Stark is ball-busting businesswoman who takes her gin neat, believes crossword puzzles are cheaper than therapy, considers strawberry fruit roll-ups and wine a well-balanced dinner, and leaves the air perfumed with vanilla. Brody Cantrell is a lumberjack-esque bartender whose sexty flirtations get them into a whole lotta trouble. Phebe in a bottle?
Delicious, easy to drink strawberry gin made in London. Aromatic summer berry notes with warm peppery juniper and vibrant floral elegance underneath. Creamy vanilla finish with a hint of black pepper. -www.totalwine.com
Drink it over ice like Phebe. Or add in some lemonade and tonic water. Then put your feet up and try to remember the last time you had a fruit roll-up. What was that crossword clue all about? And exactly how did those vanilla-scented undergarments get into Brody’s pocket in the middle of a black-tie event?
Bottoms Up, Loves!