{"id":5692,"date":"2018-09-10T07:00:44","date_gmt":"2018-09-10T14:00:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/frolic.media\/?p=5692"},"modified":"2020-08-25T22:01:37","modified_gmt":"2020-08-26T05:01:37","slug":"do-you-do-you-by-kristen-ashley-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/frolic.media\/do-you-do-you-by-kristen-ashley-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Do You?: A Personal Essay By Kristen Ashley"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\t\t
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Long ago, and yet it seems like yesterday, I arrived at my home in England after being back in my other home, the US, for a trip I did not want to take.<\/p>

I\u2019d been home for my mother\u2019s memorial service.<\/p>

What awaited me on the mosaic floor of our entryway among a tangle of other mail was a book. The very first printed book of my second published novel,\u00a0Rock Chick Rescue<\/em>.<\/p>

And I thought,\u00a0Oh, thank God<\/em>.<\/p>

Something to read. Something to take my mind off the fact that my mother was dead. That lioness of a woman who bore me, raised me, protected me and taught me to be decent and strong and hard working. To love openly. To stand up for what I believed in.<\/p>

And to adore the act of reading.<\/p>

Needless to say, even though I wrote it, I couldn\u2019t wait to dive into that book. So I did. On a cold, dark, autumn night I read a book I\u2019d read hundreds of times before while writing it.<\/p>

Yet, when I came to a certain part, it took me by surprise. The part where my heroine Jet describes going to the hospital room after her mother suffers a stroke and shares her response to the sight of her mother in a hospital bed.<\/p>

My<\/em>\u00a0response to seeing my mother just so in a hospital bed years before when she had the stroke that would debilitate her to such a degree, it shortened her life.<\/p>

Of course, I burst out crying.<\/p>

Then I railed at myself mentally because I did that. I shared that. It was no one\u2019s business. Why did I give that to Jet? Why did I do that to myself, so every time I read that book, or thought of Nancy, Jet\u2019s mother, I thought of that moment and then the ones later, with my powerhouse of a mother in a wheelchair, unable to smile her majorette smile because half her face was lax, unable to go to the bathroom by herself because she\u2019d lost the use of one side of her body?<\/p>

To my surprise, it was very shortly after, in defiance, and still so much grief, I reversed this thinking.<\/p>

Thank God.<\/p>

Thank God, through that passage, I would let anyone know in some small nuance just how deeply that affected me. Thank God I shared my love for my mother and my despair at what had befallen her. Thank God I had the opportunity to stand among anyone else who read that who knew that exact feeling and how alone and small and scared you feel when you see this perfect goddess of your life struck low and how impossible it is to deal with that.<\/p>

In that series, I\u2019d also given anyone who would read my work (and at the time, that \u201canyone\u201d was a couple of friends and that was all\u2026I had no idea this small cadre of beloved readers would grow) my neighbors from Denver, Rick and Jimmy. I gave these men in the form of the characters Tod and Stevie from the Rock Chick books. And I did that without a single change to their personalities or appearances.<\/p>

Oh no<\/em>, you might think.\u00a0You shouldn\u2019t write people you know into your books so explicitly.<\/em><\/p>

Thank God I did.<\/p>

Thank God.<\/p>

My first book signing ever, Rick appeared, threw out his arms and proclaimed, \u201cBurgundy Rose is here!\u201d Burgundy Rose is his character, Tod\u2019s, drag queen name. Chablis Lee Love was Rick\u2019s\u00a0real<\/em>\u00a0drag queen name.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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I\u2019d say he was honored to be immortalized in a romance novel. I might even go so far as saying he was proud I loved him so damned much, I created this character to prove it to the world. And knowing him, I don\u2019t think it\u2019d be a stretch that he was moved I would so frankly share his life and his relationship as a gay man. And last, I would hope he understood how privileged I felt he was a part of my life.<\/p>

The last time I saw Rick, he was lying in bed, having to go there because he\u2019d exhausted himself from sitting in his living room, regaling me with stories and memories and making me laugh until my stomach hurt. Jimmy had put him to bed, came out and told me Rick wanted to see me one last time before we went.<\/p>

I approached his bed in his darkened room and he showed me a charm bracelet on his wrist. \u201cThis is you and me,\u201d he said, pointing to two charms on the bracelet, a high-heeled pump and a crown. \u201cI have you with me all the time.\u201d<\/p>

He was sending me a message.<\/p>

I refused to hear.<\/p>

I left their home, talking to my sister in my car and sharing how good Rick looked and how hopeful I was he\u2019d beat the cancer he\u2019d been battling for years.<\/p>

Her response was soft, hesitant, but she gave it anyway.<\/p>

\u201cKris, you need to prepare.\u201d<\/p>

I refused to hear.<\/p>

I was in denial. Rick couldn\u2019t have hit one hundred pounds. He couldn\u2019t even get himself to bed.<\/p>

Just weeks later, Rick was gone.<\/p>

I was not prepared.<\/p>

I was not because there\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0no way to prepare. None at all.<\/p>

But, actually, I\u00a0had<\/em>\u00a0prepared. Yes, I had.<\/p>

I made Tod and I made Stevie and both could live on for as long as anyone read the Rock Chicks. They would never get cancer. They would never be forced to consider the last words they knew they\u2019d ever say to me. They would never be put in the position to say them, and worse, know that they were.<\/p>

They would be happy. And healthy. And in love.<\/p>

Forever.<\/p>

One of the questions I often get about my writing is, \u201cDo you do you?\u201d or \u201cWhat character is most like you?\u201d<\/p>

I write not only what I know, but what I\u00a0feel<\/em>.<\/p>

Yes, I am in Jet. I\u2019m in Roxie. Definitely Indy. I\u2019m in Lauren and Nina. I\u2019m in Tyra. And Gwen. And Julia. Also Izzy. And Greta. Not to mention Delilah, Cora, Josephine. I could go on.<\/p>

My friend Jen\u00e1 is in Jules. My bestie Kelly is in Ally. Danae is in Annette. There are traces of my Aunt Grace in Shirleen. There is real life inspiration behind Kia. And Lily. Maddie. My darling Lucy is, well\u2026Lucy (except American, and this Lucy is from my book\u00a0Mathilda, SuperWitch<\/em>). My grandmother is so very Lydia. Tex is real, and he was a Vietnam vet who sat on his porch across the street from my row house in the Highlands of Denver with a shotgun across his lap in order to keep the street safe. Mr. Kumar is real and owned the tiny corner store at the end of those row houses. He had trouble with his ears and a fear of western medicine. I worked at a neurological institute and he honored me with the privilege of holding his hand and explaining what was going on before our neurootologists did their tests.<\/p>

The first is writing what I know. The Indys, Jets, Roxies, Laurens, Ninas, Tyras, etc. Times in my life I explore. Decisions I\u2019ve made I can reexamine fictionally. Larks I\u2019ve been on I can relive and get a kick out of them. Outfits I\u2019ve worn (or wish I could wear). Homes I\u2019ve lived in and decorated (or wish I lived in and enjoy the make believe of decorating).<\/p>

The second is writing what I\u00a0feel<\/em>. My love and admiration for my friend Jen\u00e1, an LCSW who died of complications of Hepatitis C. Working out my frustration at being so far away in England while my dear friend Lucy was dying of colon cancer in Denver. Giving power to and demonstrating the love and integrity I felt from my Aunt Grace, who was an African American teacher in the Indianapolis Public School system in the 60s and 70s, my grandmother\u2019s best friend, and one of the kindest, most generous souls who ever touched mine (though she was soft-spoken, very soft-spoken, and Shirleen isn\u2019t exactly soft-spoken, but I hope she\u2019d love Shirleen just as much as I do).<\/p>

So the answer is yes. Definitely. In my books, I do me. I share the abundance of my life freely with my readers. Sometimes secretly, sometimes explicitly. I give you the good. I give you the bad. And I give you the amazing. I ground myself in my world and experiences and share that with my readers through my words.<\/p>

Mostly, I honor those who have touched my life by sharing how fortunate I am that they have.<\/p>

So the answer again is\u2026yes.<\/p>

I most assuredly do me.<\/p>

Mercifully.<\/p><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Long ago, and yet it seems like yesterday, I arrived at my home in England after being back in my other home, the US, for a trip I did not want to take. I\u2019d been home for my mother\u2019s memorial service. What awaited me on the mosaic floor of our entryway among a tangle of …<\/p>\n

Do You Do You?: A Personal Essay By Kristen Ashley<\/span> Read More \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":197,"featured_media":5698,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":""},"categories":[173,174],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDo You Do You?: A Personal Essay By Kristen Ashley - Frolic<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This touching personal esssay by bestselling author Kristen Ashley will make you look at things with a bright new perspective.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/frolic.media\/do-you-do-you-by-kristen-ashley-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do You Do You?: A Personal Essay By Kristen Ashley - 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