Why Modern Dating Doesn’t Have Your Back
With an estimated 8,000 online dating platforms (source: https://www.datingnews.com/industry-trends/online-dating-statistics-what-they-mean-for-future), which often bring out the worst behavior in people (source: http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20180403-why-do-people-become-trolls-online-and-in-social-media), a single woman’s journey to find love can be overwhelming, laden with harassment, and feel like you’re working a second full-time job just trying to get to a first date with someone decent.
As more apps hit the market (even Facebook has now joined that overcrowded party) and the downsides associated with them continue to go unchecked (hello indecent photo of man-I’ve-never-even-met!), it’s easy to assume that technology has permanently deleted spontaneous interactions – i.e. that the days of the “meet-cute” are done and done.
“No one meets in the real world anymore.”
“Everyone’s swiping-over each other.”
“I can’t even remember how to flirt with a guy face-to-face.”
But I’m here to say that the days of random romantic encounters are alive and well – once you know how to spot and act upon them.
It’s true that more people tend to bury their head in their phone rather than chat-up a stranger while out in public, and that loneliness rates for nearly every age group and demographic are sadly at an all-time high.
However, this epidemic of social disconnection has also created a unique opportunity unlike any other in history: an untapped market of millions who are starved for face-to-face connection with each other.
Because eons of our inherent need for social connection didn’t suddenly go out the window with the invention of the iPhone. We’re still programmed to seek fulfillment by being in the physical presence of others – and that isn’t changing anytime soon.
Which means once you know how to co-create even the most casual of connection with someone, they will likely want more of you – and ask for your phone number to get it.
The Journey to Carrie Status
After my own decade-long journey of going from socially anxious to socially confident, I discovered a love of creating meaningful connections with people.
In the process of following that passion, I also started getting asked out by men in the most random places: the bus stop, the train, even the lobby of my apartment building.
Even as Tinder hit the market and people started swiping on strangers more than actually talking to them, I continued to have fun getting dates in everyday places.
One day, a few single girlfriends asked me to create a PowerPoint on how they could get the same results with men.
So I put together a few slides, titled it “How to Let Men Pick You Up,” and they loved it!
Within a year, that presentation turned into a three-hour workshop that I would eventually teach over one-hundred times to single women across Chicago.
After realizing there was a bigger need for these “offline dating” tips than I could accommodate in an evening workshop, I left my corporate consulting job and went full time with my coaching business Master Offline Dating – which has now reached single women in over 100 countries.
As I started introducing myself to people as an offline dating coach, a common response was “So you’re kinda like Carrie Bradshaw?”
Which was funny – because, over the years, life had indeed provided a few strange parallels between me and Sex and the City‘s most famous character…
On the business front, not only did Carrie and I both teach workshops to single women about how to meet men, but we also took ladies out on the town for “wingwoman” sessions to practice in real-time.
Carrie and I have also both written books on our adventures in dating and relationships – and my book editor, ironically, shares the same first and last name as the actress who plays Charlotte (so it’s like Charlotte edited Carrie’s book!).
On the personal side, Carrie and I both moved out of our “single life” apartments to live with a significant other… only to break-up shortly thereafter and move back into our original apartments.
I even went on a date with Sarah Jessica Parker’s bodyguard, who made a brief appearance in the first Sex and The City movie.
And then, of course, there’s the fact that we’ve both met a lot of men in the most random of places.
3 Simple Steps to Meet Men in the Real World
Years of co-creating my own meet-cutes combined with watching the Sex and the City series a few times through, enabled me to spot a few key habits that Carrie and I both practiced which tended to lead to striking-up conversations with handsome strangers in the real world.
And the best part is that you too can apply them to get similar results in your own life.
Here are three simple ways to help you start attracting potential partners – or heck, a new bestie! – as you simply go about your day.
1) Dress for a Conversation
Many of the “good guys” out there are hesitating to approach women for fear of coming off as a creep or being accused of sexual harassment. A way to help skirt this is by giving them something safe to comment on, in the form of a personal statement piece that stands out from the crowd in some way.
Carrie was always sporting the latest fashion (one aspect we don’t have in common – I’m more of a “few classic pieces” kind of girl). Not only did her bold style give others a taste of her personality before she even said a word, but it also provided them with an instant, easy topic to safely engage her with.
No need to don a leotard and tutu, or flower on your shoulder that’s three times the size of your head, in order to catch the eye of a handsome stranger.