[Note from Frolic: We are so excited to have author duo Max Monroe guest post on the site today. Take it away!]
Being an adult is hard.
We just heard seventy-five of you yell YASSSS in agreement, and we hear you.
The childhood dream of eating cake for dinner and going to bed whenever we want isn’t so grand when there’s a never-ending list of responsibilities weighing us down.
The whole “you have to have a job in order to have money to do anything” thing.
And when it comes to that job, sometimes, the ringleader, the head honcho—the big ole boss—running the show is no Sunday picnic.
S/he can drive you crazy with demands.
S/he can expect you to do twenty hours of work in a four-hour period.
S/he can be a serious pain in your you know what.
And all of that makes the idea of going against normal office decorum and doing things to give our horrible, demanding bosses a taste of their own medicine nearly too tempting to *resist…
Needless to say, if you can relate to all of the above, today is your lucky day, girlfriend.
Because we’ve compiled a “How to Annoy Your Boss” **list just for you.
**This list pairs well with a glass of wine (preferably one poured from a handy-dandy box of Franzia) and ***cheese.
*Disclaimer: For the love of God, resist. Max and Monroe do NOT recommend that you do anything on this **list. Things like job loss, job suspension, diarrhea, stress, and zero-dollar paychecks are just a few of the side effects that could occur.
Actually, Max and Monroe recommend that you stay away from everything on this list. Seriously. Stay away. Far, far away. Like, if this list was the USA, you should relocate yourself to Mars. Or maybe Venus. Or hell, Pluto. Yes, yes, relocate yourself to Pluto. And let’s all just keep acting like Pluto is still a planet, okay? We refuse to go against what our elementary school teachers taught us. No matter how certain NASA is. We see you, Pluto. You’re doing great, sweetie.
Max Monroe’s Top 6 Ways to Annoy Your Boss
#1: Label everything as “Urgent.”
Emails. Text messages. Faxes. Carrier pigeons.
Everything is urgent, and gosh darn it, your boss needs to know it.
Need some info on the new policy about the parking garage? Urgent.
Want to let your boss know that Karen in the cubicle next to yours keeps stinking up the workplace with tuna salad sandwiches at lunch? URGENT.
Someone took a bite out of your sandwich? That. Is. 100%. Urgent. And, in our humble, always-hungry opinions, comes pretty close to a hostile work environment. If you can’t trust the break room fridge, can you trust anyone at your office??? We think not!
2. In every email, in every document, in absolutely-every-thing you write, spell your boss’s name wrong.
Your emails to boss Barbara this week could go something like this…
Important note: The funnier the misspellings, the better.
3. Take time for yourself. But do it as much as possible and without any filter on your excuses.
Sick days, personal days, vacation days, they’re there for a reason, right?
Right. They are there for a reason, and girlfriend, you should use them all the time.
Need to give your dog a pedicure? Take the day off, girl.
I will not be able to make it into work today. Fido’s nails are just too long. Obviously, it is best if I stay home and tend to this matter.
Your Favorite Employee
Are you too hungover from last night’s Game of Thrones episode? Obviously, you need a mental health day. I mean, you can’t go a whole night thinking the Night King is going to take over Winterfell and not need a day of rest.
Good Evening Barn,
As you can see, it is pretty late. I’ve just stayed up all night watching the latest Game of Thrones episode, and I am just too mentally distraught to come into work tomorrow. I need a day to process my emotions. Not sure if you watched it, but it was a very stressful episode.
Your Favorite Employee
4. Ask for a raise.
You work hard. You play hard. You respond to emails…most of the time.
And, honestly, that sounds like you sort of, kind of, maybe deserve a raise.
So what if you’ve only been on the job for two weeks.
You are a hardworking goddess, and momma needs a new pair of shoes!
And you know what? That’s the exact wording you should use.
Subject: Momma needs a new pair of heels
These shoes ain’t gonna buy themselves, know what I’m sayin’?
Today I would like to request a raise. Preferably ten to twenty percent.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Your Favorite Employee
5. Buy Alexa. Use Alexa. Become Best Friends with Alexa.
Amazon created Alexa for a myriad of reasons.
But we’re fairly certain that one of those reasons includes you utilizing Alexa in your office.
All you have to do is set her up on your desk, and once you’ve made sure Alexa is speaking at her highest, most glorious volume, spend the majority of your workday asking her for anything and everything you can think of.
Important Note: Conferences calls with your boss are prime Alexa time.
“Alexa, Barbean would like to know the status on the Miller account.”
“Alexa, will you have those Excel spreadsheets done by lunchtime?”
“Hey, Alexa, what should Barbarosa eat for lunch today?”
6. Offer Your Boss Advice. As Often as Possible.
Of course your boss wants your constructive criticism.
Of course your boss will appreciate daily memos about the things you think they’re doing wrong.
No holding back, tell them like it is.
Correct their grammar in emails.
Let them know when their meetings are so incredibly boring that they put you to sleep.
Be that one person in the office who says exactly what they’re thinking.
If you think Bardara’s last memo lacked pizzazz, then obviously, you should tell her.
And, even better, let her know via the “reply all” feature in your email.
Bardie loves negative feedback.
There you have it, friends.
Six very simple and definite “you will get fired” ways of how to annoy your boss.
You know what we think you should do now?
We think you should forget about that list and watch Greer Hudson annoy her handsome, infuriating, sexy billionaire boss Trent Turner instead…because fiction!
A brand-new, laugh-out-loud, romantic comedy that shows just how explosive—and hilarious—things can get when you despise your boss and your new boss despises you.
About the Author:
Over three years ago, a dynamic duo of romance authors teamed up under the pseudonym Max Monroe, and, well, the rest is history…
Max Monroe is the New York Times and USA Today Bestselling Author of more than twenty contemporary romance titles. Favorite writing partners and longtime friends, Max and Monroe strive to live and write all the fun, sexy swoon so often missing from their Facebook newsfeed. Sarcastic by nature, their two writing souls feel as though they’ve found their other half. This is their most favorite adventure thus far.
If you would like to experience more of their witty lists and sarcastic sensibilities, be sure to subscribe to their newsletter! Their Monday Morning Distraction is the very best (and most hilarious) way to start your week off right!
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The Billionaire Boss Next Door by Max Monroe, out now!
My new boss has it all. In spades.
Gorgeous green eyes? Check.
Hard-and-sexy body? Check.
Success? A big fat billionaire… Check.
Too bad I haven’t started out on the best foot.
My big mouth has already turned him against me, and tempting good looks and success aside, Trent Turner is no peach either. He’s stubborn and thick-headed, and son of a fruitcake, he thinks he knows everything there is to know about the hotel business.
With him running the development of the new Vanderturn New Orleans Hotel and me doing the design, our work relationship is far too intimate for two people who absolutely despise one another.
But that’s not all.
See, he isn’t just my billionaire boss from hell. He’s my new neighbor, too.
Trent Turner is my billionaire boss next door.
Holy moly, let’s hope my career—and hormones—can survive.
Disclaimer: If you generally love to suffer, hate fun of any kind, and are allergic to laughter, this book is not for you.